Let’s just say that, being in a JC is the most tiring experience I’ve ever had in my life. Tiring in EVERY single aspect that even exists in this world.
But what I’ve also learnt is that… I’m growing up. Quickly. And dreading this opportunity or path will not do me any justice, in fact, it will just be another waste if I don’t make full use of it.
It’s hard. I can’t even kid, right now, everything is tough for me. Starting with my attempts to catch up on tutorials, understand what the teacher is teaching during lectures, continuously trying to improve in football and not drag the team down, studying for tests and hoping that FOR ONCE, I can manage a pass and be confident about it, waking up at night/early in the morning to study and most of all, trying to make time for the people I care about and want to spend time with. Everything is honestly tough. It is absolutely no joke. And I keep telling myself, I’m doing alright.
But let’s face it, I’m struggling.
I have not passed a single test in my entire JC life except for papers that were being moderated. And no, it’s not okay. It’s freaking not okay to say that that’s how it works in a Junior College, it’s hard to pass, failure is normal etc etc. YES. Failure is a normality. It’s okay to fail once, but to fail over and over again and NOT progress? That’s not right… I’m not afraid to try and fail. But I’m afraid of me being alright with failing especially when people keep telling me that it’s fine.
We all know it’s not.
Failures are lessons. You can’t have a thousand and one lessons yet not learn anything.
You’ll never know your own potential until you push yourself hard and cross all mental boundaries. What you’re doing is just a small portion of what you are capable of. And if you let your thoughts get in your way then… That’s your choice.
I’m going to try and salvage what I can.
Do my very best.
I’m going to make each second count, enjoy every moment and stop being such an irritating sour grape.
At the very least if my results aren’t satisfactory to others, it will be to me because… I gave it my all. I know that, God knows, and that’s all that ever matters.